look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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