Non-Jews are for practice
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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