Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
