Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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