I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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