considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love you.
Bad choice
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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