like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
