Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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