i would punch a child for taco bell
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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