Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize