I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
time to smoke my breakfast
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
