Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
