Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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