Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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