I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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