so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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