is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
