just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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