okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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