Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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