bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
