I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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