literally had 100 drinks last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
