You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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