So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she looked like the before picture.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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