I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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