remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
