I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
