God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
whose parrot is this?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
