you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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