i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
