How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
