Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize