Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
