Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
