I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
