The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
