He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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