as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
