i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you win again, gameday.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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