so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize