You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My life is pants optional.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
