We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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