omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
