fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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