ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
