We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
