Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
