I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
