Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize