I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
