This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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