How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
please come you make the beer taste better
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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