dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
