no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
