Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You don't make any sense
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