I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
