stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
