Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize