I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
