I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize