New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
