lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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