That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
