if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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