yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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