im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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