I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You made out with two different species that night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
