is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
