those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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