I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
