i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
