So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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