just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
