man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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