so explain again why im purple
no
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
