my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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