if you like me you must not know who I am
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
