Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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