She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
