I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
