I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
