I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
