I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
