is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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