We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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