We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
