maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Randomize
