K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
