I just saw a hot homeless man
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
