There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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