mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
