WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize