I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
