"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
