Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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