I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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