He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
