Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need to calm my uterus...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
