well you can't waste a boner
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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