also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
