Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
