Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
