idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
