Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
