he was CRYING into my vagina
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize