I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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