Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
