it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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