TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
