The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
