You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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