I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
