Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize