My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
