Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
