Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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