ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
