I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize