Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude i'm inner monologue high
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
