i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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