i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
