You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
