Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize